DAVE BARRY - On why Americans can be picked out easily as non-French people, even if they don�t wear the most typical of all American clothing items : Sneakers!
Sometimes we Americans try to blend in to the cafe scene, but the French immediately spot us as impostors, because we cannot pronounce the Secret French Code letter, which is ``r.'' They have learned to say ``r'' in a certain secret way that sounds as though they are trying to dislodge a live eel from their esophagus. It is virtually impossible for a non-French person to make this sound; this is how the Parisian cafe waiters figure out that you are an American, even if you are attempting to pass as French:
| WAITER | : Bonjour. Je suspect que vous �tes Americain. |
| (Good day. I suspect that you are American.) | |
| YOU | : Mais je ne portes pas les Nikes! |
| (But I am not wearing the sneakers!) | |
| WAITER | : Au quais, monsieur pantalons intelligents, prononcez le mot `Rouen.' |
| (OK, Mr. Smarty Pants, pronounce the word `Rouen.') | |
| YOU | : Woon. |
| (Woon.) | |
| WAITER | : Si vous �tes franais, je suis l'Homme de la Batte. |
| (If you are French, I am Batman.) |
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